We're Still On...

Well, we decided to continue. If this doesn’t work, I WILL be following Duck’s advice & get healthier. Even if we do not have a 2nd IVF, I will be healthier. Okay, I’ll still be healthy if this does work, but you all know what I mean! :)

When I mentioned the idea to Nick, he immediately shot it down. This may sound silly, but we have kind of felt this cycle was destined to be. The way the fundraising worked out, the timing of the cycle, the little affirmations along the way.

I got in the mindset of a bitter infertile. It’s been a while since I was THAT infuriated at what we have to go through for the chance. It’s hard to really believe that people get pregnant w/out all this. And I was so hurt and crushed by nothing more.

But, I can be thankful…

I have 6 follicles (one more than Sunday’s scan, remember?) w/ 5 at a good size at this time.

I do not have any dominant follicles. I can’t imagine how much it would hurt to be canceled involuntarily.

I am in pain with only 6 follies… I can’t imagine having twice or three times the amount.

We probably won’t have any embryos to freeze. Although it makes the success rate higher for subsequent transfer (and cheaper, yes), we were still very uncomfortable with having our potential children in frozen limbo. I was still very much hoping for 2 or 3 embryos to freeze, but we were just uncomfortable with it. So, now that option is pretty much out. Oh, and we’ll get a refund of $800 to help pay for the extra meds we hadn’t budgeted for!

If we do a 2nd fresh cycle, we know a different route to take. I guess the RE assumed due to my age that endo wouldn’t have affected my egg production that much… now they know it does. If we have a next time, they already know to start with more meds & no Lupron for me.

We have such a great support system. Our friends & family have been incredible. Absolutely incredible.

There IS hope. Cathleen had 2… she has a sweet little girl growing right now!

I have to say that I’ve got a new mind-shift this morning.

Yesterday was horrible. It was freezing & I had to wear a knee-length dress (no pants feel good with my belly) & stand in 30degree temps (yay, Florida) for about 10m before entering the facility for the u/s. Then waited another 20m for the tech to arrive (right on time, but I was hoping to get in & out earlier), had the crappy u/s, went for the b/w w/in the hospital. Left almost an hour later. Got to work… w/out my calendar. And, my calendar is a huge resource, a de-stressor that also contained my IVF med dosage sheet. That they told me to bring to EVERY appt. Oops.

So, neither place has my calendar.

Then hearing from the nurse, then back from the nurse.

Crying or trying to not cry all day. Was it just the disappointment or the estrogen rising? Maybe both?

A presentation in class… in which each group was supposed to take 10m. And almost have of the groups took over 25m. I was so going crazy inside. And those chairs are not comfortable w/ my pouching belly.

On the way home, it took an extra 15m due to a wreck.

BUT today is better.

Today I have hope. I trust that God is in control no matter what the outcome.

Thanks so much for all of your comments. They really made me change my perspective. You all are awesome & I feel blessed to have you all in my life.