It's On!

We woke up super early again & headed to Jax. Got there around 9am. The waiting room was packed. Which was both surprising & intimidating. There were two other couples I feel I could "relate" to. Is that silly? I try to find others that are similar to us in age range, etc.

As soon as we were called back, the b/w + u/s went quickly. Doctor said my lining looked good & "thin" (didn't get a measurement. I *did* ask about antral follicles, so he shot the numbers out while doing the u/s. I had 5 on my right & 6 on my left.

To me that sounds good. I am really hoping we get 12 eggs. So, w/out further nerdy investigation, I am actually optimistic. I'll be checking it out in a few minutes, though! LOL

We are supposed to do monitor appointments here in Tallahassee & only the initial + final appointment in Jax. Well, the local u/s technician can't make any appointments until next Wednesday. Therefore, we are starting stims tomorrow {a day earlier than planned} & heading to Jax early Sunday morning for our 1st monitor appt. It's going to be more expensive than here locally + the obvious gas & time (6hrs round trip), but I'm glad we aren't going to be delayed w/ the cycle.

Excited. Definitely excited.

Nick starts antibiotics tomorrow for 10days. He's upset. Very much the "no doctor, no meds" kinda guy. I guess most of them are, huh? ;)

So, tomorrow brings the very beginning of our biggest, most realistic, chance of our greatest dream.

I just hope it's worth it.

*** UPDATE: Did some googling & found that 10/11-14 total antral follicles is "good/normal". I guess slightly disappointing cuz I was hoping to have lots of them, but I'm surprisingly okay with it. I'm at peace with us doing all that we can to ensure this cycle is the best it can be! :) ***

PS- Am I the only one crying while watching Private Practice?

IVF Start Appt: Tomorrow

{Hmm, been using lots of colons in my titles lately... }

Okay, thanks so much for all of the responses on the antral follicles question.

I know that tomorrow's main goal is determine if I have any cysts so that we can continue with the IVF schedule. I know I'm a newbie to this & all, but it seems like if there wasn't a cyst when I went in last month (on the Pill) & we immediately moved to Lupron, then I haven't ovulated since then & there's no chance for a cyst to be there. But, I guess it COULD happen, right? Or there'd be no reason for us to have to have it done.

I didn't know *too* much about antral follicles, so wanted to see what to expect tomorrow. We will be meeting with our RE tomorrow; we were scheduled with another in the practice due to holiday rotations, so that's kind of nice.

I'm sure I'll update tomorrow after the appointment. Sure hope it's still a go for stims on Friday.

And, in less than 30m, I will not have to work for 6 days! Looking forward to catching up on house stuff & reorganizing the kitchen & getting Christmas cards & decorating done!

Have a wonderful Tuesday evening!

Quick Question: Antral Follicles

I've heard some others mention getting their antral follicle count at the baseline, u/s #1 at the start of IVF.

Did ya'll?

I've also been a nerd & checked out the success rates based on the range of antral follicles prior to stimming.

If they don't offer up the info, I'm gonna ask... but I wanted to find out if that's normal procedure {or} if they just kinda tell ya everything's fine to start your stims & how much to take.

Also, our 2nd u/s will be Dec1 after 3 days of stims. I guess at that point they'll tell me what to take & have me in for another u/s after 2 or 3 days of stims? Did any of ya'll have to go like everyday or only if you were a quick responder?

Just questions. Feel free to pipe in about your experience.

Lupron shot not so bad today. I think he's getting used to just darting the needles in & that doesn't even sting... compared to a slow shot.

Lupron: Day Ehh

So, 1st Lupron shot I felt nothing.

The next two were definitely a sting, but not too bad. Definitely tolerable.

The waking up at 6am on weekend days? Not so tolerable! LOL

But, it'll be worth it.

Had a nice visit w/ my cousin today! We celebrated T'giving this afternoon. Tomorrow evening, we will have a baby shower for her, so I can catch up with my great aunt + aunt then! There was so much going on, there wasn't enough time to chat w/ everyone.

This morning was my 1st emotional break in a while. Weeks, I'd say.

In church, my pastor introduced his daughter-in-law, who has also been struggling with IF & they have chosen to pursue adoption. I don't know if they know what they're dealing with, but when we pursued counseling with our pastor last year, he mentioned they tried for 8yrs with their 2nd child; this is when we found out about them & have been updated every now & then when we speak with Pastor. Anyhow, it immediately flooded me with emotions of seeing someone else & knowing how much pain they're in.

Then he announced two pregnancies: twins + an early one (6wks-ish?). And another woman in the hospital delivering her son.

I started feeling it. Glanced at the daughter-in-law, noticed her upset, too.

That was it. Had to leave the building crying. Fortunately, I could stop after a couple of minutes & lasted the rest of the service.

After the service, I wanted to talk with her. She was surrounded by others & I was too hesitant to say "Hi, my name is Rachel & we're infertile, too." It was just too awkward. I spoke with Pastor on the way out to please pass on the message that we're praying for them & think of them often. He thanked me & told me he felt something was going to happen & they would like to hold a prayer session for us... then I was crying again.

It's so hard sometimes. Really.

Feeling in a much better place now. Not sure how the next couple of weeks will be, but I'm trying to remain optimistic.

Kitchen is literally almost done. Oh, you've heard that already? Yeah, I know.

But, I really mean it this time! :)

The cabinets only need the doors hung (painted today, should be dry enough by tomorrow) & then MIL's work is done. We'll still have to move all the kitchen stuff back in & hang the pot rack + wall shelves, but it's so exciting!

Our plans changed somewhat last minute & we will be heading to the Tampa area after our JAX IVF start appt, then Thursday morning heading back home. Kinda crazy, but it will be nice to have the long weekend off... I'm off Monday, too! Which will also be my 1st monitoring appt.

So, we can organize the kitchen & rest of the house by end of T'giving day & prepare for Christmas that weekend. Already feeling relieved!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend & looking forward to checking everyone's updates!

Lupron: Day One

So, last night I anxiously awoke every couple of hours to make sure I didn't sleep past the 6am alarm.

{ This also happens to me EVERY time I have early clinicals. I rarely get good sleep, since I have to leave 10m 'til 6am to get to clinicals on time. Oh, yeah, then I have to not only be awake, but fully student-nurse functioning at that timee! :) }

The thing is, Nick & I are notorious for ignoring the alarms. Like, mine usually goes off 4 or 5 times before I have to get out of bed. Which made me nervous about waking too late & throwing off our Lupron shot time.

I already had the little station set up. Got out of bed at 6:07. Tried to wake Nick up. Turned on the lights, grabbed the Lupron. Told Nick he had to wake up to give me the shot & we were done by 6:20ish. (He was in bed a while. LOL)

I expected it to sting or pinch a little when the needle went in, but I really didn't feel it. I just took my final BCP this morning.

Our kitchen is literally on the cusp of being completed. The baseboard was painted & cut & placed yesterday; will be nailed in today. The appliances can go back into the kitchen (yay!) tonight & I think the final item for MIL to do is the cabinets. She's already custom made the cabinet doors & primed the cabinet base. Only thing left is painting the cabinet bases & hanging the cabinet doors. Which, I think we will pick the hardware out tonight or tomorrow.

Did I say how freaking amazing it is that my MIL is sweet & dainty & can tile floors... create anything wood-related... install hard wood floor... ANYTHING! Except she'll tell ya she won't mess with electric or plumbing. She could do it, she just doesn't wanna! :)

I'm so very excited to be so close to having the kitchen done! After 3.5 years of living in the house, it was the final room to be done. And the colors are coming together great!

I'll post some pictures on here of the finished product. It will be so nice to have all the other rooms cleared out & know that the kitchen is organized & functional.

Here's to a night of Home Depot & WalMart perusing!! And we're doing an early T'giving dinner on Sunday. My cousin will be heading down from Ohio & other family are coming to see her, so we're doing an early one for the whole family. Then, on T'giving day, it's still up in the air as to whether we'll be heading to the Tampa area or staying put.

Staying put sounds so inviting. And we can take our Christmas-pictures-on-the-beach this or next weekend. I am determined to have my Christmas cards mailed out by Dec2.

Hope you all have a wonderful Friday. I'm hoping to make it the 10hrs, so I won't have to use any leave for my IVF start appt on Wednesday. But, I don't know if I'll make it... ;)

Photo Journey Through IVF

Since I'm somewhat curious (obsessed? hopeful? passing the time?) about others during their pre-positive IVF cycles, I came across this one:

"Kodak Moments" by JJ.

And it got me thinking. I've planned on doing photos during the cycle. I've also not done many things I have planned to do so far this cycle. Since our kitchen has been in "redo" mode for exactly 4 wks now, my life has been a little more scrambled at home than I had planned.

Like a cleared out, completely organized house with a place specially dedicated to the IVF meds. Christmas decorations up, gifts all shopped for & wrapped. Hmm, some of those things are done... okay, only part of the gifts are done! LOL

So, I really want to make sure to keep on top of the photos thing. Of course it will be nicer if this is a successful cycle, but I am pretty sure I will want these pictures even if it's not. I want to be able to see what we went through. To remember as much of it as possible. I have a nicer dSLR & a P&S. The little one goes with me everywhere, but the dSLR has a very special place in my heart. And now, it will have a special place beside my meds.

I doubt I will do many face shots, but more of the actual process. I searched through flickr & here are some that caught my eye.


I guess this can serve as a heads up, since I will probably be posting pics on the blog. One day, my dream is that this blog will be turned into the introductory part of a baby book. I want to respect & nurture that dream as much as possible since it's all I have right now.

I also realized that today will be my last shot-free day for 5 weeks, at least... hopefully more like 12 or 13 weeks. Again, my dream.

I really am amazed at how this year has flown by, from the point where Nick agreed to meet with the RE, to deciding & being okay with IVF, to becoming excited about IVF, to starting in less than a week... It's extremely surreal.

Final Mark Through the Checklist

Remember THIS POST? {When we found out Hep testing could cost us $500/each if out of pocket?}

Well, Monday was our appt with our PCP. Nick was pretty disappointed in breaking his "not see a doctor in 10/12 yrs" streak. But, since he'd technically been a patient of hers for almost 4 years, they felt more comfortable meeting him before ordering his labwork. Since I'm also a patient there, we had my labwork slips completed at the same time.

So, Monday I went & had my blood drawn for the Hep series. Yesterday they already had the results. Yay!

Since Nick needed some add'l b/w done (CBC, TSH, vitD, etc etc), he had to fast. So, yesterday morning he got his blood drawn!

Which means that our final "to do" item is crossed off. I guess *technically* it can't be crossed off until I have confirmed the FIRM has gotten the info, but in my mind... it's done.

We will be making the remaining payment next Wednesday at our start appointment, which is also when we will receive our 30 vials of donated Bravelle. I'm removing the money for the pre-payment we made last month from savings to pay off the CC. It was painful to sign that receipt, but it's kind of more painful to take it out of savings.

I have to remind myself that we prepared for this. THIS is the reason we've been saving & sacrificing & working so hard & working extra jobs & doing yard sales. THIS is our chance.

Hope you are all doing well. Faith, you're in my thoughts & prayers. It's surprising how much it can hurt to see a friend hurt... a friend you've never met or talked with, but connected with. Our hearts are so sad & we mourn the little life. Please know that we're here for you.

Not Much New

Still about a week out until our IVF start date.

Take my last BCP on Friday & start my Lupron shots on Friday, too.

Then next Wednesday, we head to Jax.

The following Friday, start stims.

Our kitchen has, like, exponentially progressed this past weekend. Not sure if it just seems like that to me since I prefer to see progress & now the tiling's done, the walls are pretty much primed, & the paint will be on the walls by tomorrow evening... so to me that equates to progress. Not like the boring stuff of subflooring, caulking corners, touching up walls, etc etc. Since we haven't had the appliances (washer, dryer, oven, fridge) in there for almost 3 wks, MIL is hoping to finish the paint soon... so the kitchen is more functional! And, once the wall paint is done, that leaves only painting the cabinet frame/base, hanging the cabinet doors (custom made by my MIL), & then putting up the shelves in the laundry area! Now it's rolling! Our kitchen may actually be put back together by T'giving. Which is already relieving!!

And I'm losing the dread I had last week associated with IVF. Just kind of exciting, anxious, eager... wanna get it over with mode! :) Cuz, ya know, then I'll know the outcome! Just over 5 wks until we'd know pos or neg.

Here's to a busy weekend with a couple of weeknights off to prepare for it. And my last unit test of the semester. Not looking forward to the crazy semester coming my way in January, but looking forward to getting closer to graduation! :)

A Different 2WW

My new 2ww into IVF. Our IVF start date/baseline b/w + u/s is the day before T'giving. Exactly 14 days away.

I did find out that I will start the stims on Nov28 (assuming everything is fine at the start date appt); since I live 3 hrs away from the clinic... we have a local u/s technician that only performs u/s M-F. So, I guess it makes sense to NOT stim for 5 days before getting the first monitoring u/s.

In other news, this weekend went very well!

* Friday, my Mom & I headed to NC to visit one of my brothers. I worked almost a half-day, she picked me up, & we began our 10+h drive. It wasn't that bad, actually! At around 8.5 hours, I DID get antsy & bored... but we talked through it all & had a great drive! Got there around 11ish & talked for a while.

* Saturday, we all headed to a holiday fair to shop. Got a couple of things. It wasn't a craft fair, which I was kind of hoping it was, but I found a few things to buy. We headed to dinner, then back to the house to visit with a few friends.

* Sunday was church, then some photos with a friend, then church again. The second service was such a blessing... not so much the actual service, but AFTER the service. One of the couples my brother + SIL are friends with just recently adopted & they wanted me to meet them. {It was such a nice conversation; we didn't get into depth about the diagnosis was, but she did say that they were told their chances at IVF were very small. They began pursuing adoption in May & brought their son home in July. It was just amazing. She was so sweet & I'm still just amazed at the connection IFs can share. Crossing political & religious lines, surpassing geographical locations... the connection is amazing. Murgdan completely voiced my thoughts about this connection on THIS POST.}

* Monday found my Mom & me caring for my nephew. I know we are of bias, but he was actually such a good baby. He's about 14mts old & is very smiley. He got a bit whiney sometimes, but not much more than a goofy song or silly face would change! :) So, we went to eat, then shopping, then back home for dinner. Then it was off to meet JJ for a chat!

I was actually pretty nervous about how the meeting would go, but I was so excited. JJ was so sweet to us & sent us some meds that she had left over from her successful IVF cycle this summer. It meant so much to us & we are just so grateful. Since I had just eaten, I was planning to grab a sweet snack before the end of the evening... but we were talking the whole time! To the point that we realized every other customer left & the staff were cleaning up. So, we wrapped it up, snapped a picture (cuz I'm a nerd like that... I scrap & wanted to make sure to have a picture of someone that helped us SOO much through this time), & chatted a *bit* more outside. It was cold. My hubby didn't make this trip, but it would have been nice for him to connect with another guy affected by male factor IF... but maybe another time we can meet up & Mook & Nick can talk a bit.

Thanks again, JJ, for taking time out of your schedule to meet with me! I had a wonderful time! I plan to start those CDs tomorrow evening!

Some photos of the weekend:

Snapped a couple of pictures of the family...





And, JJ & me. {Hope you don't mind me posting this, girl! :) Let me know, if ya do & I'll remove it!}


Yummy Greek food...



A happy baby!

Even *Closer*

Got my Lupron + PIO last night. I know the Lupron needs to be in the fridge since it came packed tightly next to the ice pack... but what about the PIO?

Guess the pharmacy could have told me, but if I don't get any comments about it... I'll just call them later. To be on the safe side, I have both of the meds in the fridge.

I'm thinking the PIO needs to be in fridge, too, or why would the instructions from the clinic say to warm it a bit in your hands? Like insulin.

And now I have 60 3mL syringes. 30 from the 1st script (Menopur) & 30 from this 2nd one... seems like too many, but what do I know? :)

And what seems like hundreds of needles.

I didn't want to order another bunch of insulin syringes, since JJ sent me 5. That means I have a total of 19 insulin needles. I sure hope that will be enough, cuz I don't wanna drop $10 or $15 on another "set" when I just need one or two more for the Lupron.

Less than 3 weeks now to go until the cycle starts + Thanksgiving! :)

And Breathe...

After getting our estimated cost for the Hep testing from Quest, I was pretty nervous. And when I get nervous, my stomach goes berzerk.

They told us it would be $500 each for this testing... x2= $1000 to add to our IVF cost. (Was this a normal cost for any of ya'll paying out of pocket, too?)

So, I prayed lots last night.

Called our PCP (primary care physician) & remained upbeat & confident. I mean, really, this is a non-fertility test. If I'm pregnant, they'd have to perform these tests anyhow.

Talked to the nurse & she seemed in a much better mood than the 1st conversation. Since Nick hasn't EVER been to see her (he's been a patient there for almost 4 years... guys), we're gonna head into the office for a "meet & greet" appointment where we can discuss the previous bloodwork from our life insurance application (where his triglycerides were crazy high) & also get the lab orders for our Hep testing. Thank God.

I'm still a little nervous inside from those hormones that go up when we get nervous, but it's starting to relax a bit! :)

It's amazing that it's only 3 weeks away now. I have always felt like the kind of person that says they'll do something & when it comes down to it... doesn't. If that makes sense. But, it's still sombering that it's come to this.

Of course we're thankful we have options like this & grateful we can partake in this opportunity. But to have so much pressure on one chance is hard. When "normal" fertiles can try every single month. BUT, I'm really staying positive about this & hope we will be blessed with this. And if not this fresh cycle, then a frozen one!

Closer & closer...

Still Pluggin' Along

Yup, just making it day by day until we start IVF.

Got my last Mental Health (nursing) clinical rotation out of the way this weekend. I'm sure it's the wrong attitude to have, but I needed 42/100 points... so that's what I was shooting for. Gonna have to step it up with studying for the last time + final exam, but I sure am slacking this semester. Got junk on my mind! :)

So, my remaining to-do list is...

* get Lupron + PIO Rx filled. Already called Ascend with the other pharmacy's info & should hear back from them sometime today to order/pay for the meds. So, pretty much on it's way to be done.

* get the Hep testing done. Still need to call my PCP to see if she will order the labwork for us & if not, get OOP prices on the testing.

* get the BCPs refilled. Will get that done in about a week, so that it falls within the approx. 28 day schedule for insurance to pick it up. If it does, now that I have the "infertility" mark on my file. We'll see. I'm over worrying about & trying to stay positive.

So, that's pretty much it in a nutshell! Went to the gym for a bit yesterday. I guess you're not supposed to do anything drastic prior to your cycle, but does anyone know if that means you shouldn't exercise at... or just the normal "avoid strenous &/or bouncing exercise while stimming to ET" type thing?

Hope everyone had a nice weekend! :)

Seriously, WalMart?

Since we were headed to WM to get some printer cartridges... since I have a drug classification presentation due... that I have to print out copies for every other student in my clinical group... AND the printer cartridges we have are all old & dried up...

I thought I'd call & ask about how much they charge for the Lupron generic 2 week kit we need. First estimate: $3200. Umm, "I think that's wrong... the specialty pharmacy is only $140". Got put on hold for 10+ minutes, then hung up on. Called back. Within a couple of minutes, I got the final cost: $2275.

Seriously?

I can get it through Ascends for $139 & that includes free overnight shipping!

Crazy, huh?

But, I can check off the antibiotic prescription off my "to do" list. I will be calling to order the Lupron + PIO on Monday. Oh, & calling my PCP to see if they will order the lab work for the Hep testing. If not, hubs can go to the on-campus Quest lab cheap & I will go to the community health center for hopefully cheap, too.

AND...

ONLY 24 MORE DAYS UNTIL WE START IVF!

It's crazy how quickly it's happening.

Still got some clinical paperwork for tomorrow's final Mental Health rotation. I've already gotten the MINIMUM points for the care map (42/100 needed), so I'll probably really slack off on the care map. This class sure is suffering due to the IVF prep! My mind is so not on nursing school!

Have a wonderful Sunday & enjoy sleeping in a bit with the time fall back!

Breaking Point

Was there this morning.

So, still need to do before IVF start date:
* HIV testing
* Hep testin
* Lupron Rx
* PIO Rx
* ABX Rx
* BCP #2 Rx

HIV testing:
We got life insurance this past year, so the IVF nurse said as long as it's within 12 months... we're good. "Yay." Well, in some crazy way, the underwriters for our policy have nowhere written acknowledging we were negative for HIV. They only get notification if it's positive. So, they told our financial guy there's no way to get that. Yesterday & this morning told him that. I pleaded with him through holding back tears to see if they would call our clinic to explain this over the phone.

Hep testing:
Called my PCP to see if they would order the Hep so it would be covered by my HMO. She was not so nice (not *really* rude, but not nice) in saying that if we needed it for another doctor, the other doctor needs to order it. I tried to explain that it probably needs to be an in-network doctor & since they'd do this for other patients... why not us. She told me I had to call member service (que black mark on our account for fertility ish) to see. Member service rep said no, but that it really matter which doctor ordered the labs as to which would count. Ugh.

Lupron:
After talking with WM & being advised to call Member Services, I did. They will not cover it. Even though I have confirmed endometriosis & any other endo patient would have it covered, I won't since it's now deemed for fertility. Neither would the...

Progesterone (in oil):
So, yeah.

ABX:
Nick's Rx will be on the sheet our clinic is supposed to have already mailed us along with the script (same sheet) as the Lupron + PIO. So, I'm stressing about splitting up the script.

Some things have already fallen in place... thank God.

I had a message from our financial guy that somehow, magically, the underwriters can send us a letter verifying our negative HIV results. Whew. Called him & profusely thanked him. He's awesome.

Called Ascend pharmacy & verified prices for the Lupron + PIO. They ship free & can call the JAX pharmacy to get the initial script info. Their prices are cheaper than the hospital pharmacy... wish I would have decided on them beforehand. Will call them tomorrow morning with JAX pharmacy info to order the Lupron + PIO.

Will still receive the ABX order from the clinic in the next couple of days, so even if our HMO has black marked us for any Rx from the fertility clinic (like my 2nd BCP refill... wondering about that), WM includes doxy as a $4 med.

I will fill my BCPs in less than 2 weeks & will find out if it's only the $10 copay or more. Trying not to worry about it.

So...

* HIV testing CHECK
* Hep testing Still have to pay for, but MAY be through HMO if our PCP works with us.
* Lupron Rx CHECK (add money to fertility fund)
* PIO Rx CHECK (add money to fertility fund)
* ABX Rx CHECK (no issues with having to request new script)
* BCP #2 Rx (we'll see how much it'll be later)

I'm already more relieved than this morning. I was so upset. I mean, would it have been THAT hard for our clinic to have told me in the last 5 months I've been calling that we will need to get some bloodwork done... I could have done that like months ago & had less stress to deal with when we're rounding the corner? I feel like we can't catch a freaking break in this whole mess, but I do remember how blessed we are to have saved & raised the money to not have to go into debt for this cycle.

Slowly this will pull together... but not too slowly cuz we have less than 4 weeks now!

Insurance Crap

Since our local HMO wasn't contracted with the hospital in JAX, I got the Menopur + hcg filled there.

I thought filling the other locally (progesterone & Lupron) would be covered by the insurance. Called WM (they were so cheap with my ABX, so... thought I'd start there) & they didn't seem to think the Lupron may not be covered. So, I'll call the insurance tomorrow to see. And there's only 2 pharmacies that carry the progesterone in oil locally.

So, I wish I would have just filled all of it in JAX to get it over with it. Anyone else have these kind of issues?

Just frustrated with it.

If the insurance doesn't cover it, I guess it'll be like an extra $160 for meds.

Less than 4 weeks to go now. Getting excited.

Review of IVF Consult

Yesterday found us waking around 5:30ish in the morning to embark on our 3hr drive to the clinic. I drove. Ugh.

We got to the hospital parking lot around 9:15. Walking to the hospital from the elevators was already LESS stressful that the 1st time. See, there's no signs at the hospital with our clinic's name on it. The 1st time there, we happened to look confused enough that a staff member asked if she could help us... "Umm, yeah, we're looking for FIRM." Thankfully, she knew where it was. In the women's pavillion! Ugh.

So, this time we at least knew where to go. Check.

Went in the right door. Check.

Signed our name in. Check.

(I do DISlike the fact that you sign your name, walk away, then the receptionist opens the window, & quickly grabs the clipboard. Weird.)

Called our name & went back. I was surprised at how busy it was behind the scenes. To explain a bit better, our very initial visit was in Tallahassee. The second was the SA. So, we hadn't been behind those doors until yesterday.

The first nurse?/tech?/assistant? snapped my picture... ya know, to verify it's me in the future. Although, at no time did they ask to see my license to verify I was the person I said I was. Hmm. Then I got my "mini" vitals done + weight. Ouch.

Then we waited a few minutes to see the IVF nurse. I don't know if they rotate around, but I didn't meet with the same nurse I've been in contact with since May. That sucked. But, this one was nice. She basically read through the IVF packet that I'd already poured over. Then reviewed some mixing of the shots & had us practice. Then explained the mock transfer.

We headed to an exam room where we got to talk to the Specialist a bit. That was nice. I expected just the ultrasound & mock transfer, but not as much talking. So, pleasantly surpised. Not so pleasant during the procedure. (I mean, really, do they HAVE to crank the speculum like 6 freaking inches wide?) Everything checked out just fine.

Then we headed to the financial person who reviewed the same info we'd already discussed many times. Checked out & was charged $15 more than they told me it would be last week. Still gonna call & see on this.

Since we could either order the meds through Schrafts (well, that's who they mostly deal with) or the hospital's pharmacy downstairs, we just headed downstairs. Waited 20 or so minutes & left with needles, Menopur, & the hcg. Will be ordering the Lupron, ABX, + progesterone here locally, since I am hoping my insurance will cover some of it.

The Bravelle will be donated to us since we meet the qualifications for that. So, we'll get 30 vials of that once we return on Nov26 for the IVF start.

Some items of note:
** we will probably start the stims on Nov26. I had previously been told that we will start either Nov27 or Nov28. So, a couple of days earlier.
** the sharps box is SOO cute! :)
** the meds estimated by the clinic were like 15-20% more expensive than their estimate.
** they say to do the Lupron shots on the side of the hips. I always thought it was just belly.

So, we drove home with meds, heavy hearts, & many thoughts on our mind. We've got lots of praying to do & much to decide on.

But, I'm really thrilled about the steps we are taking. I sure do hope in a year, I will be holding a sweet baby in my arms. And I will KNOW it was worth it.

Will be dropping by everyone's blogs to comment, but wanted to get this bit out there! :)

Not As Much of a Setback

Found out another friend is pregnant.

Growing up in a small Christian school & church, I had three girls that were my closest friends. From fourth grade through all of high school we remained close. Even through college & post-college, I think we all considerd each other dear friends.

Out of the four of us, I was the first to get married (over 4 years ago). Now, I'm the last to become a mother. It's like inversely proportional to our marriage dates. Yeah, I think of things like that.

I was upset inside. But, I was much better at self-soothing. I'm trying to avoid negativity in areas of my life & I think I'm disconnecting emotionally from certain things.

One of the other of the four just found out on Tuesday, her baby due in March will be another little girl. The other friend has four children.

Maybe I will also be due in 2009, so it can be another experience we share.

In "IVF prep" news, the doxycycline has made me extremely nauseaus. And I've only take 3 of the 10 pills. Anyone else experience this? I've even stayed upright 30+m following administration + eaten food with the pill. Not looking forward to taking them for the transfer.

Tomorrow we head for the IVF consult. We'll be leaving around 6a & turning around to come right back immediately after the appointment. The trip is abut 2.5-3.0 hours one way. Not too bad.

We plan to put almost half of the clinic's cost down at tomorrow's visit. We'll also get the prescription for the remaining Menopur we'll need, Lupron, & the ABX, too.

I assume we get a prospective calendar for the cycle? Or does that come at our IVF start date in November? Guess we'll find out soon enough.

Hope everyone's doing well! I'm getting pretty excited about how quickly this cycle is "sneaking" up on us. Although, we've been preparing mentally & financially since last January.

Where's My Pill?

Cycle day 26 and I still haven’t dropped off the prescription for the birth control; I’ve had it since May. I really haven’t had the time this month, but I’m wondering if it’s that little hope in the back of our minds that maybe, just maybe, THIS time we won’t need it. Like all of those stories we hear from fertiles… “My friend…”, “My boss’s daughter…”, “So-So’s cousin…”.

But, I will be doing the script thing tomorrow. We will be out of town Saturday & I don’t want to have to worry about filling it on Sunday (which should be cd2) when I need to begin taking it. I guess I should call my clinic, but I’m not sure if it matters what time I take it? The short stint I did on the Pill (back when we thought we’d produce many babies in our bedroom, haha), it was easier to take at night. I’m not so great at remembering stuff, but it helped to take it right before laying down. I know Lupron will be in the morning, but I don’t think it’ll matter what time of day the Pill will be taken. Or am I wrong?

I am very excited about this cycle, with the head knowledge it won’t work. Does that make sense? I’m sure it does to all of you. It’s weird. I guess I’m excited that this will be our biggest chance (they estimate 50-60% pregnancy rate) at conception, but not excited where I think it will work. I guess it has to be that kind of defense mechanism for all us. In reality, though, we would never even attempt this emotional & financial hardship if we didn’t have HOPE it would work.

In class last night, one of my closest friends sat next to me. I mentioned we had around 6 weeks to go (most of my classmates know & they are very supportive & sweet). She said “I bet Nick’s so excited, huh?”. Huh. Umm, no, he doesn’t really seem like it. Enter insecurity that this is something I’m pushing & he’s just floating along on the ride. This year (2008) since our first meeting with the RE in January was really the beginning of him realizing our infertility is a problem. That it’s okay to seek a doctor’s help. It was a faith seeking & trying time for both of us as we dealt with nasty hormonal pseudo-menopause, overwhelming costs, “discovering” our male infertility, & saving saving saving.

I felt like we were finally a team & he was looking forward to this as much as I was.

So, last night before falling asleep in bed, I asked HIM. “Are you not excited about IVF?” Basically, what I gather from our following exchanges is that he is excited about the outcome… the child we may have. He’s still not thrilled about the fact that we are having to do IVF. (Neither am I, of course.) He doesn’t want to get his hopes up at all because it will suck even more if it doesn’t work. He’s worried I’ve already gotten my hopes up about it (shouldn’t have told him I’d picked out some baby stuff). He’s finding it exhausting thinking of how hard we have worked to raise this money.

I know, we’re different to start with… males & females. Then add on individual differences. The man who’s excited about the possibility of getting a zero turn mower for our acreage, doesn’t seem to excited about our biggest chance.

But, it really comes down to protecting ourselves. So, I continue to fill my time with creating lists, allowing myself 2 weeks for self-prescribed bed rest following transfer, cleaning & clearing as much as I can. He just does what he feels needs to be done. Cleaning, fixing stuff, maintaining the cars. It’s kind of how it’s always been. So, now instead of wondering about IVF all day long (I can’t NOT think about it)… I now wonder if he’s thinking about it too.

I’m sure a blog post will be dedicated JUST to this, but I realized how ironic the timing of this cycle is.

We decided to get off the Pill Thanksgiving weekend 2004 while celebrating the holiday with my in-laws in Central Florida. Our IVF cycle is supposed to be beginning Thanksgiving weekend 2008 while celebrating the holiday with my in-laws in Central Florida.

Weird.

Hope everyone’s doing well out there!

So Close

I have been counting down the days to our IVF start (42 right now), but it kind of hit me on the ride into work today that in less than 2 weeks... we'll be heading to JAX for our IVF consult + mock transfer. My period is due this weekend, then I will start the Pill & call to schedule the mock transfer. Then, it's just counting down more for the start date.

Not too much going on. We're heading to a fertility seminar this weekend, then to Tampa area for a church reunion, then next week we'll be starting back on our kitchen renovation. We're still attending our MAPP (fostering) class & had a very good meeting last night.

Have about 5 or 6 class left for the semester, then the final exam right around our projected egg retrieval. Will be interesting to see how that all works out, but I'm trusting it will.

Thanks for the comments about the Lupron being covered. I feel stupid that I didn't think of that earlier, but I was just honed in our estimated cost sheet from the clinic that I didn't really THINK about each one. Should be picking up the desogen + doxycycline tomorrow or Friday for starting the desogen this weekend.

Hope everyone's doing well.

A Question for the Endo Patients Out There....

Any of ya'll get a Rx from your GYN for the Lupron for IVF?

For some reason, it just hit me today that it could save us like $150 with our insurance copay for Lupron as treatment of endo.

Just wondering. I plan to call them after their lunch break, but thought I'd put feelers out there for anyone else that may have "circumvented" this issue of coverage.

Hope everyone's doing well! :)