Marriage.
I don't know if it's partly the BCPs (they drove me crazy the 1st time I was on them, but this time I haven't noticed many crazy-symptoms?), but we had a huge blow-out last night.
Like the fights we had when I was on Zoladex at the beginning of this year. Just horrible.
With nursing school, 10 hr work days, but mostly infertility & IVF on the brain ALL THE TIME... I just don't have energy to be lovey-dovey with hubby.
Ugh. I seriously cannot imagine going through more infertility ish & my marriage not being MORE affected.
How do YOU do it? Try to stay in love? Try to remember you're on the SAME team, when it feels like you're on OPPOSING teams?
Grateful Fest 2026
1 week ago
8 comments:
WE don't fight much, but when we do we fight to the death...take no prisoners. And my husband is in nursing school too (and as a nurse who spent the last 4 years in grad school I totally get it). Add in fertility issues and HORMONES (ack)....perfect storm for brewing fights.
It's like we don't have TIME to engage in the little arguments along the way, so they boil over until they explode. Somehow we always make it through...somehow they pass.
I think sometimes are harder than others. Hubby and I are pretty laid back, but he has noticed that I get more anxious or worked up on the meds. But like everything else, marriage requires work. Taking time to snuggle on the couch, turn off the TV and talk, eat dinner together, clean up together, go for a short walk...
I'll be praying for you. It's not easy.
**HUGS**
Blech--I think I touched on this some when we talked on Monday, but Mook and I had a REALLY tough time this time last year--ended up going to counseling that helped tremendously--not preaching that for you, but just know that I would find it very odd if couples DIDNT get stressed and frazzled when dealing with IF, plus all of life's other jabs. I do hope you all can come to a peaceful place--praying for you all.
Ugh, hang in there. This is just such a tough process. I tend to be the anxious one over here, and DH is constantly telling me to calm down -- sometimes it's what I need to hear, but sometimes it makes me even crazier!
The meds are terrible for relationship success. BCPs ruined my Christmas last year. I was screaming at DH and telling him I hate all his presents. It is so unfair. But going to school and working is VERY STRESSFUL so when you add hormones and IF, you will not come out of it unscathed. I hope you can end a few of them soon. How about a quick degree and a pregnancy? Those rhyme.
just by sheer luck this time on BCPs I'm in a fabulous mood. Lupron hasn't changed my mood either. But I don't know if I'll keep feeling the same way through this whole thing. Right before I started BCPs, I had the PMS from hell. I believe one of the ways to get around this is talking to your husband about it sometime when you are feeling good and calm.Explaining your needs, explaining that the hormones affect your mood terribly and asking him to not take what you say personally and help you out on this. Also it's good to read some book that can help you detach from your ego and try to differentiate when your real self is speaking from when your self is taken over by the meds. I know you have a lot on your hands right now with school, but thought I should mention it. Finding any material that makes you feel more positive and understanding the way you funcion, I feel is very helpful in this hard process. I'm reading "a new Earth" by Ekhart Tolle and it's been interesting to incorporate some of what he says to avoid dramas in my home. Just my two cents. Good luck!
It has been really hard. I've been a complete biotch to my husband. He is a really great man because he has totally puts up with all of my crazy. If we make it through this in one piece I know we'll last forever.
The major thing that has kept us sane is sharing our dog. When we start to raise our voices the dog comes over and jumps up on one of us and stops a fight. He is a good little peacemaker. Then he does something cute and we forget about the fight for a while.
There are a lot of things we do. One of them is going back to the roots.
What did you do at the beginning of the relationship? Did you go for long walks? Did you go to movies and debate them afterwords?
For D and I, the first year of marriage was spent in Syracuse NY. When we had an ice storm the cable would go out, so we would sit in bed and he would read aloud to me. We read The Hobbit, David Copperfield and Peter Pan. It was the most wonderfully intimate experience.
I often think that with IF, we lose intimacy. That is what to chase after.
Feel free to email me if you want to chat.
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