I Have A...

Son! Wow! Freaking amazing! Will post later w/ pictures from the u/s, but the little guy was moving his little mouth & hands!

There was a "bright spot" on his heart, so we're heading to a specialist next Monday to rule out (or diagnose, I guess) any heart defects. A bit scary, but I'm trying not to worry too much.

18wks. Never thought I'd be here...

Quick Update (preg/baby mentioned)

Went to the OB on Tuesday (14wks). We were literally in & out within 30m. Of arrival, not appt time! I love the early afternoon/lunch time appts, cuz they don't wanna waste time... they wanna head on break! No waiting forever to go back!

Anywho, I was pathetic & asked to see the baby again. The doctor went & got the portable machine & still had the name & gestation of the previous patient, so even though it says 11wks up top... it's really 14wks! :) Baby measured at 14w2d w/ a heartbeat of 153. We got to see "it" move it's arm & even jumped. Pretty amazing stuff.

We also scheduled our ultrasound for March31, when we will be 18wks. We are gonna try to find out the se.x if the baby is cooperative! Then, since the doctor won't be in that day, we'll head back to meet w/ him the next week, at 19wks.

I guess I also have to have some b/w done before our next appt, too.

Oooo, I also got this little goodie this weekend, too! I love it. I have a cute video of our kitten trying to steal food, but haven't uploaded any of the videos yet. I'm excited to try, though!

Pretty much it for now... my weight is at the pre-IVF weight, so I somehow lost 2lbs & have officially gained it back. I was still pretty concerned & asked the doctor about it... he's not concerned, so I guess it's all good!

We got our two extra bedrooms switched over the weekend (the office is now the front room & the baby room is now the back room). We still have piles of stuff in each room to go through, but I'm hoping to do that this weekend for a bit at least. We are both officially on spring break, too, so not too much to worry about for classes for now.

Hope you are all doing well!

Baby Pics

Here's the baby at 11 wks. S/he was measuring 11w4d @ 4.74cm (1.87inches) w/ a heartbeat of 164. I was pretty surprised, too, when they did an external u/s. Was expecting my little friend... LOL

While we were waiting for the doctor... {which seemed like forever cuz I was so nervous & had to pee so bad!! Seriously, I peed at the beginning of the appt (what do they check for proteins in the urine?), then when she brought us into the exam room, then right before the doctor came in. Dr. B was our gyn for my endo + surgeries, so when I had to go the last time... I popped my head out & caught him in between rooms. He was cute & told us he'd wait for me! :) }, Nick & I discussed finding out the gender. Initially, we had planned on not finding out. Then, when we found out we were pregnant, we toyed w/ the idea of finding out... then decided not to. So, at the appt, Nick said he'd like to find out. SO... we're gonna try to find out the gender. We're still planning to get the essentials (nursery stuff, stroller, play-yard, etc etc) gender-neutral, but I think this will also help connect w/ the baby a bit more. I'm excited, now. I definitely already have what my intuition is telling me, but we'll see if I'm right or not!

Hit 12 wks yesterday! At my doctors office, they officially consider you in the 2nd trimester after the completed 12th week, which would be easier to say once we hit 13wks. I'm not sure why they worded it like that, but oh, well.

I'm still right at my pre-IVF/pregnancy weight. Remember, since my body hardly stimmed at all, I didn't get much fluid retention & therefore didn't gain any weight during IVF. The books say the range for weight gain is 5lbs in the 1st trimester, but I think it's okay for me. I've been eating better & doing a light bit of exercise. My pants can now be buttoned (had to use the Bella Band for the 1st couple of weeks), but I have a slight rounded hump as a baby bump. We're taking weekly pictures, but I think I will wait to post them once I have a clearly defined baby bump! :)

Baby Bump Update

Since we (finally!!) had our OB appointment today, I wanted to pop over & update here.

I'll have to scan & upload the ultrasound pics tonight, but the baby is measuring right on track. "Technically", s/he measured at 11w4d, but he said that can be +/- 5 days, so we are good!

The heartbeat was 164 & we got to hear it... at the RE's office, we saw the heartbeat at 6w3d, but this was our 1st time hearing it.

It's all so amazing still. I still can't believe we've been so blessed to experience this. I think the u/s really helps make the connection that there IS a baby inside of me.

Our next appt is in 3 wks, when I will be 14 wks along. I guess we won't get an u/s, but a girl can hope, right? :)

Items of Interested (warning: baby-related)

I mentioned earlier on a post that we were checking out cloth diapers. I've received personal recommendations on several brands & the brand I think we have picked to us (exclusively) is Bumgenius. Here's a quick you-tube about it...



It seems like the regular price is around $18/diaper. So, I'm guessing we'll want around 20 to cover the earlier, more frequent, changes. So, paying "regular" price... I can diaper the baby (& any future babies we may be blessed w/) for $360. Until they are potty trained. Someone estimated like $400-500 for disposables for the FIRST year, which makes this a much more reasonable option.

My mom spoils us & ordered us 3 diapers! They are *too* cute!! And w/ S&H, she only paid $15 for each of them. Even Target has them (online order only, not in stores) for 2/$35 to add to registries.

Just thought I'd share.

Just Checking In...

Had our nurse's orientation last Friday. Which, plainly put, sucked. Basically, if I asked a question, the response was "It's in the book, read the book." I hate that. Also had a ridiculous experience in the waiting room w/ a chick on the office phone for 30m calling everyone & their mother to tell them she's having her baby & needs a ride (hmm, the office is AT the hospital, but she needed a ride HOME to get stuff, cuz God forbid, she wasn't going to sit at the hospital). Ugh.

But, that afternoon, we "accidentally" met up with the most wonderful doula. And, she's hired. We're very excited about it. It's fun trying to explain to my g'mothers what a doula is, but we're very happy & relieved to be hiring her. And it's much cheaper than I thought it would be!

After speaking to our doula, I got more information about different practices in our area. Ours is pretty conservative, which can be good, but they pretty much monitor 50/60 minutes during labor, you don't have a choice in bir.thing pos.itions, & I wouldn't be able to labor in the jacuzzi tubs (which, yes, are completely sanitized between patients... I checked!), & they have a higher rate of C-sections. As much as we can, I want to be able to choose how to labor & bi.rth. Yes, I realize it may not work out how we like, but I don't want to have to fit into a cookie-cutter mold "only our way". So, I will still keep the appt next Tuesday w/ the doctor (same GYN that has done my laps for endo), but I plan to ask lots of questions.

Since Monday afternoon, I've been feeling pretty miserable... guess some sort of flu bug. I was relieved to talk to a nurse & discover I could take some cold meds. I slept most of Tuesday & lots of Wednesday & am back at work today. Hoping to make it through today & not be miserable.

And it's like fr.eaking 17 degree here. In Florida. If I didn't love our home & love living near my family... I'd be so motivated to move. At least somewhere south of us where it doesn't get AS cold. I've heard lots of comments about how miserable I will be in the summer pregnant... but I'm so looking forward to it. I hate being cold. I look forward to smooshing a big belly in a cute summer dress or top. Bring it on... soon, please!

Connections

I've been pretty open in the last year about our infertility. I wasn't blasting it on my networking sites (mysp.ace, fac.ebook, etc), but people that I came across in real life.

I wanted people to know it DID hurt. It stills hurts. But, I was sick of the ignoring it. I always thought about it. Always. Would we even have a child? How far were we willing to go? How much money would we spend? Would I be able to stop myself after we spent/cycled/went as far as we planned? And more and more. You all know what I mean.

And I still felt so alone. So, so very alone. Nick could listen, but I was done with talking to him. He didn't feel it the same way I did, so it was easier to cry by myself in the shower. On the way home. On the way to church. In my cubicle at work.

Then I found this section in blog world. I cannot even described the way that THIS connection has helped me. Like, took me from a black, dark, scary spot where I hated myself & my body & my infertility... to being okay with it. For appreciating it, I dare say it. For really being okay with it. For thanking God for each blessing He put in our journey.

Since so many people in real life were praying for us (yes, we begged anyone to pray), I thought it appropriate to update. And, the easiest way, was FB. I knew it would suc.k if we got a BFN, but I knew I needed the support. I needed others to recognize the massive tragedy that occured. Rarely logging onto mys.pace, there were no updates.

Several weeks after we got our BFP, I posted a simple udpate on mysp.ace. "Blessed to be pregnant!" I got a couple of emails that broke my heart. Two girls that I knew in high school (a very small high school, so we were more than acquaintances) congratulated me. I never want to belittle the amazing miracle our pregnancy is, so I shared a recap of our journey.

Both of them have been experiencing infertility. When they responded, I begged them to come onto my website to check out all of the amazing blogs I've linked to. I shared how important this blog has been. I told them to contact me whenever.

During infertility, I sat in our Sunday School class & wondered why NO ONE else I knew went through this. Why I had to be so alone.

Since then I have "discovered" one other girl tried 3 yrs. They were blessed on their 1st cycle of Clomid.

Why do we have to feel so secretive & ashamed about infertility? It infuriates me. All those years of isolation & I may have been able to connect w/ others. During my IVF cycle, I found out there is FINALLY an infertility support group in town. I'd love to go, but now I feel like I don't fit anymore.

I'll never not be an infertile. I have to confess that I'm still upset about having to go through this again for a chance at another child. I feel bad for feeling that way, but would love to have 3+ children... and I DO know how blessed we are to be expecting one. But, it's on my mind.

I feel uncomfortable w/ others talking about our pregnancy. I guess that would seem strange considering all we have been through to get here. Maybe that's why it's easier for me... it was never something we could talk about. But, when they wanna talk only about it... I'm so uncomfortable. I just don't feel like a normal pregnant woman.

All that to say that it saddens me to know that others have suffered alone, too. I'll be meeting with one of the girls Friday. They have four IUIs under their belt & will be trying their last in a month or so. They are dealing with MFI. I hope we start a new connection. Strengthened by a horrible, lonely journey we never dreamed of... I hope we can help each other.