1:7

The IUI is done. We had 28 million little guys for the mission. The doctor said they like to have at least 20 million, so that is good. Since they thought I may have another polyp, he did an u/s super quick before the procedure to check. Ice he looked at my u.terus, that was it.(He didn't see anything that appeared to be a polyp, so that is good.) I asked if they look to see how many follicles they suspect to be mature and was told they just go off the day 12 u/s. Out of the eleven follicles, four appeared to be mature. So, we have one follicle/egg per seven million sperm. It seems like more than enough, but I know many people take several IUIs to get pregnant, IF they do get pregnant with IUI. I am praying for peace and guidance over these next two weeks. If this doesn't work, I think I will begin the process of accepting no more. No more treatment. No more baby clothes in tubs. No more. It is sad, but it is also not sad. I am amazingly thrilled and in love with my child. He IS enough for this momma and I want him to be confident that his parents love him very much and thank God for him everyday. Our instructions were to resume normal activity today, BD tomorrow, then take an HPT in 15 days if my cycle hasn't started. I WILL be texting early. I am not sure if I will test out the trigger first or just wait until 11/12dpIUI, but u won't be waiting 15 days! I have had a lot of cramping today and ovarian discomfort the past couple of days. Not sure how normal the cramping is, but I am going to try my best to stay off the forums and blogs to just let this cycle ride out. At this moment, we are about 30 minutes from home and looking forward to some boating or swimming later today. I am really looking forward to this long weekend and spending time with both my boys. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!

Back Again?

So, we head back to Jax tomorrow for an IUI. We spell compromise that way... IUI. I still want to do an IVF cycle with the remaining coverage we have, but DH is still not comfortable. I think we are both still reeling from August's miscarriage & December's fail. But, when my period came on Mother's Day right before heading to church, that night my brain started whirling. I called Monday morning to see if they'd be willing to do an IUI. They said yes & called my script in. I was thinking they may not stim me on cl.omid as I have been diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve & required LOTS more stims than most people. I was on 100 of Clo.mid on day 3- day 7. I went for the CD12 u/s on Thursday. Guess what?! They measured 11 follicles?! I mean, granted, they are not all the same size or even close to be mature... but I was nervous! I didn't even make half that many follicles with our first IVF. So, yesterday, the nurse called & said to check with OPKs. I tested twice yesterday and once this morning, then was told to take the trigger shot (only 3300, though) this morning. We are scheduled for an IUI in the morning. I know our chances are fairly low, but I can't help but be hopeful. My doctor won't be on call tomorrow, but I do plan to ask plenty of questions anyways. In other news, I have continued to eat better & exercise. In fact, I'm in between my pre-IF treatment weight & my pre-pregnancy weight. Only took 2.5 years, but I'm still happy to be back here. My little guy is still amazing. He is so sweet & witty & charming. Looking forward to spending the summer with him! :)

My Baby

A few weeks ago, some dear friends that also happen to be amazing photographers snapped a few shots of my little one. {Tanya, if you see this, please don't be upset... since I will get access to the digital file, I "borrowed" this low rez from the Facebook page to brag!}

He was way more interested in playing with the baby chickens than smiling, but he was still cute as ever.


It's amazing how beautiful he is. I know I have mommy-goggles on, but I just adore this little boy. He is such an incredible miracle & he is more than I ever could have expected or asked for. As sad as I feel approaching our unfulfilled due date, I am humbled by the honor to be this little guy's Momma.

He has my heart.

Hope you all are enjoying this restful weekend & may Easter be sweet & peaceful.

Portraits by Douglas Photography

Been A While

I have planned to update the blog many times, but it is pretty much the same.

A roller coaster of emotions.

One day, I think I am close coming to terms with having a single child. I am amazed and grateful for the miracle he is, but it still hits me so hard when there are new pregnancy announcements or baby showers every other Sunday at church or counting down the weeks we have until our due date from our second, last, pregnancy.

Have I told everyone there are three friends due within three days of our due date? And it is less than five weeks away? And I have no idea how to get through it when I can't even think about it without breaking down a bit each time?

Back in the fall of 2008, while we prepared to cycle, we completed a MAPP course. In Florida, this is a ten week course anyone seriously interested in fostering or adopting through the State must complete before moving forward into a homestudy. Well, we are now about halfway through the homestudy to foster. My heart is not ready to consider adoption, but contemplating fostering.

I am still hoping to cycle once more through our clinic. The husband says he is open to talking more about it, but we never talk about it. I think he either secretly hopes it'll just happen or is deciding to be content with our family how it is.

Which, of course, I am happy with our family. I just ache for another child.

I have also drastically changed my eating habits and started walking more. Lost about ten pounds in the last month and plan to lose more in the months to come.

Guess that is about it...

BFN

That is all.

11dp3dt: So Stinking Close...

So, I bought an HPT last night at WalMart. I want to use the digital one if we get our BFP, but there was only a 7pack in stock... no way was I spending that much money on what might not have worked. The one I did buy was an 88cent test very similar to Dollar Tree's.

Yesterday, my cramping continued w/ occasional nausea. I can say my feeling felt a bit crazy, but not any crazier than if my period was a day away. This morning, my cramps are present, but not so much the nausea.

I woke up several times with the fullest bladder, but didn't even have a cup to use (you know those cheapies!!); I was very tempted, though.

Let me share why I didn't want to test earlier, other than the crushing disappointment that comes with a pee stick BFN.

On December 22, 2008, we found out we were pregnant. The result of that pregnancy is sitting beside me giving me kisses.

Additionally, it is also my parent's 38th wedding anniversary. Pretty special, huh? I hope we have good news for them, but I sure didn't want to present bad news to them, either. {Mom: I totally know you will know now, but I hope this will be good news.}

Also, DH will be off tomorrow starting his 5 day Christmas Weekend off. It will be the first time we are together when we find out.

So, the sappy reasons for not testing early. And the one that I am scared to get a negative.

I might be using an HPT prior to the bloodwork is drawn. Since the lab I go to is out of area for the clinic, I usually have to wait for the results to be faxed, then get a call from the clinic. The previous times, I have gone fairly early to have it drawn around 8am, but I think I'm gonna buck the system & go like 9a or 10a. I will still have to wait the same amount of time for a call back. We'll see. I normally call & leave a voicemail that I've gotten my blood drawn as a heads up, but I'm guessing not that many of them will be in office tomorrow.

I will post when I know either way.

In other news, I think I'm done with my Christmas shopping. I just placed an order on Amazon... I love Amazon Prime! Even better when it's free! :) Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

10dp3dt

Well, yesterday was pretty uneventful, too. Little Bit didn't get a nap, so around 7p he was asleep! And I laid down with him! Woke back up a couple of hours later to do the PIO shot, then couldn't fall back asleep.

I was up for hours on Facebook, Pinterest, & Dr. Google. I even found someone that got a BFN on 10dp3dt, then a BFP on 11dp3dt to then have twins! Crazy & rare from all the searching I've done. ;)

But, I still have resisted the pee stick. In fact, I haven't searched through my meds from last cycle, but I *think* I had one left over. Not positive since I haven't looked yet.

I think the reason I don't want to is because of how let down I have felt getting those BFNs after each IVF. I know you can't trust them, but I guess I feel like if I don't test, then I won't get a negative, then I have a little bit longer to hope.

Late last night, as I sipped soda (shhh... I went over my 8oz allowance...) & sat in front of the computer screen, I felt the nausea kick in. I can't say for sure that I'm not imagining it, but I have also felt nauseaus this morning, too.

And I woke up with cramping. Which I feel kind of happy about. I guess it could mean it worked or not, but in the past it usually is a good sign.

Oh, and while cooking dinner last night, I totally blew up on my husband. I even thought inside "Why am I getting so angry?", slammed the baby gates, & stormed upstairs. Then Google-ed if anger could be a symptom. ;) I always equate mood swings to happy-sad, but I think tempers & anger could be one, too, right? I don't know. Could also be PMS from an impending period?

So, not too much longer to go & the last 12hrs I have gotten really excited about. This afternoon/evening will be spent finishing up Christmas grocery + gift shopping since I will be in town later this evening. Other than driving in for my beta, I plan to stick around the house until Christmas!

Happy Tuesday to You All!