I'm Really Just Boring Now

Seriously, the waiting & saving & fundraising period makes for not much to post on the IF front.

We have right over 50% of our needed funds for IVF/ICSI. I'm still pretty much amazed at how well we've been able to save & how blessed we've been with donations. We are planning our 2nd yard sale in October. We have done the 1st wave of TupperWare sales & netted $50. Not too much, but it will be nice to do a couple more by the end of the year.

Still deciding on the date, but my heart's really leaning towards December 4. Part of me thinks it's sneaking up so fast, then the other part of me remembers we've been waiting so long already. And it's another wave of pregnancy announcements. The 1st (big) one was between 1.0 and 1.5 years of TTC. And everyone in the church was pregnant, each girlfriend, etc etc. Then it slowed down. And it was easier. Oh, well. I'm definitely dealing with it better now.

So, I guess I can update on my emotional ups & downs during this waiting time! :) I'm sure that will make for great reading! LOL

And I still have yet to post my uterus pictures! I have temporarily mislocated them & should discover them any day now as I'm working through the guest room.

Checking In

Not too much more going on...

** We have received a good bit of donated items for the yard sale. As soon as I get my school schedule (since clinical rotations are on the weekend) & the football schedule (since fans won't be yard sale-ing, but tailgating if the FSU game is earlier in the day), we will set the date. I'd love for it to be in October, since that will give us a better guage at how much more moola we will need for IVF/ICSI #1.

** Still having doubts about which date to start. Initially they told me due to the holidays, there would only be one date to start in December. I found out there's two... Dec4 or Dec26. I'm starting to lean more towards the Dec26 date. Only because if we're successful (I know, right?), I'd be in the last month finishing my final class for school. Then preceptorship should be okay. And now... February has entered as an option. Although since we are finally itemizing on taxes, doing it in the 2008 calendar year would work best. Hmm...

** Sucks hearing about random pregnancy announcements. Like those that just got married, haven't even married their 1st or 2nd baby-daddy, yadi-yadi. Just something we all have to deal with, but it certainly still SUCKS.

Sorry it's not too exciting over here. Pretty much it's a wait&save to begin treatment.

Hope everyone is doing well out there! I think I may even join in the Mel's Show & Tell tomorrow. We'll see! :)

HeeHee

Meet my new blogging buddy, Tchotchke...

My newest little baby. Thought this was cute.

In somewhat related news, today has been kind of exciting. I relisted some of the items on Craigslist & we've had some great hits on them. In fact, tomorrow someone is coming to see/pick-up/*hopefully*BUY the chipper which would be over $200 towards our savings. Another person is coming this evening to look at one of the child items that was donated to us at our 1st yard sale. Which we have already rounded up tons of donated items for our 2nd yard sale (set to be in Oct or Nov). Wish I was closer to Morrisa to snatch up her leftovers from THEIR last yard sale! LOL.

Our goal for the next one is $500, but I'm really hoping to go over that! We've had a tremendous response already with furniture & if we have the bigger items, the sale usually goes much better! I'm being OCD planner with it & hoping to have donuts & hot cocoa to help supplement the sales! And sodas... see... too much, right?! :P Anyhow, those little sales will help a bit & at least we'll have something to munch on during & after if they don't sell!

I'm thinking I just need to get over this discouraging hump. I'm now back in the stage of being so upset at having to save/earn/fundraise the many thousands of dollars to do IVF. I think the thing I'm most hesitant about is... if it doesn't work. Then what? Adoption, trying IVF again... how can we afford all that? We can only hope & pray it will be successful & that either way, we will have some to freeze for other cycles. Then at least we can round up the $1400 needed for the FET. *sigh* So many unknowns & unfairness.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday preparing for the holiday weekend! We'll be scalloping this weekend with thousands of others in the Gulf of Mexico. I'm sure I'll have to post some pictures from that! Oh, yes, & the pictures of my insides. All 3 of them. Pictures, that is... not insides. Hmm.

It's Been a While

Sorry I haven't updated in 3 weeks! I went through such a gammat of emotions in the weeks following the surgery.

Week of surgery: For some odd reason, just at peace & relaxed... well, that could definitely been a huge result of the Percocet & not having to work. Just sleeping every day whenever I got tired or too weak for the arduous duty of watching TV. I think because he couldn't remove the endo off the bladder that I healed quicker than surgery #1.

Week following surgery: I'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep every night. I was so upset about the situation. I did return to work the Monday following the surgery (1 week) & worked a full 10 hours. (Hmm, haven't been able to work a full 10 since then...) I also went to the doctor's because my incision sites had lots of small pink bumps. It was a reaction to the glue, good that it wasn't an infection festering... but horribly itchy. That weekend, we went camping with our Sunday School at the beach. I pulled the glue off the sites that weekend & soaked in the ocean Saturday evening. They looked so horrible! After the ocean, they dried out & quickly began to heal.

And last week: had the post-op appointment last Wednesday. Pretty much heard what I expected. We need to get pregnant soon or go on meds. He thought December was a good time frame. I cried on the way to the appointment & the way back. I guess it's just so upsetting to me to be at this point. I know you all know what I mean.

It's nice to be doing something towards conquering infertility, but it still sucks tremendously to be here. So that I could feel as though I was progressing, I finally made that call to the IVF nurse after getting the packet in May. I really like the IVF nurse we're working with & she confirmed that we will need ICSI, too. Then spoke with the financial counselor about how much we will need for the ICSI. I got all the dates & stuff for the IVF. We will head over there (Jacksonville... about 2.5 hours away) in October for the IVF consult with the nurse, financial counselor, then the doctor (they say uterine assessment... I assume that means mock transfer?). Then in November, start BCPs & Lupron. Dec4 or Dec26 will be our stim start date.

I'm still trying to decide when to do this. Initially we picked December as our IVF month, but I guess I'm just having 2nd thoughts. If we do it earlier, will my Christmas be miserable wondering if it's successful? Or doing it a bit later so that I have the best chance of finishing nursing school on time? The main part of me doesn't care about the school issue... it is immaterial. The other part of me that's busting my hump trying to get through school now thinks 2 more months may not matter. We have several months to figure this all out, though. So we're just trying to be open to where we're lead.

While at my post-op appointment, my doctor gave me one of their samples of "The Conception Kit". Anyone out there heard of this? It's a 3mth kit with ovulation kits, PreSeed, HPT, & a cervical cap. Basically, it puts the sperm right at the cervix & gives all the swimmers the chance to get right there instead of being killed off before reaching the cervix. It does mention it can't really help with endo, but I think it may help a bit. It gives th sperm a better chance right at the uterus & the immune system won't be fighting it off before it gets there (as endo can cause an increase in the immune response).

Finally got the pics from the surgery today in the mail. Only 3 of them. Pretty disappointing, but I will try to scan & post them this week. If any of ya'll care... I find them highly interesting, so I will! :)

I have definitely been checking everyone else's blogs, even if I'm not commenting as much! I am almost at full functioning, except I am still fatigued & have started my cycle again, so I'm now in a great deal of pain. Lots of ibuprofen & Tylenol & rest.

Hope everyone out there is doing well!

What a Way to Spend a Birthday!

Well, the surgery went well yesterday... although he could not perform the bladder endo excision. Apparently, during the surgery the 1st screen for the camera in my abdomen was not working. Then, before he went on to the "big" part of the surgery (the bladder), the 2nd one stopped working. So, he said "When two things go wrong in a surgery, I don't want something else to go wrong." and stopped. The surgery was right about 1.5 hours (twice as long as expected). He did remove the endo from the cul-de-sac (right behind the uterus). He also said that now my left ovary has been attached by endo & pulled back towards the cul-de-sac. I didn't ovulate this cycle, either. He said my right tube + ovary look great, though, & my appendix. He said he thought the adhesion on my bladder looked more like scar tissue than endo, though. It's still there & causing discomfort, but better than endo. It doesn't seem as though the Zoladex implants worked very well @ reducing the endo. At least it helped my pain. He still feels IVF will be just as successful & that Clomid (which he initially agreed to prior to surgery) is not a good idea as I normally ovulate. We will start using ovulation prediction kits, even though it probably won't help fertility wise I just want to know that my body is getting back to normal.

So, we will have a couple of months to try on own & then start IVF. I was blessed enough this weekend to speak to a woman that had IVF at the end of last year & was carrying triplets. She amazingly made it to 35wks5 days. She had some problems following the delivery, but is doing much better now. She is also a Christian, so that was even more encouraging. I really hope we have enough money to do it this December &, of course, that it's successful.

Since the surgery was so late in the day (3:00-4:40ish), my doctor wanted me to stay overnight for observation. It was as bad as I worried it would be. My doctor came by around 7:00 am this morning to have me discharged & we left the hospital around 9:15. Got home & took a nap until around 3pm. Needed some pain med & ate a bit of something. I'm already tired again! With not having eaten since Saturday night, I thought I would be STARVING coming out of surgery, but I haven't had much of an appetite. They said anesthesia can do that... loss of appetite for 24 hours.

My mom & N stayed with me most of the night & I also had some dear friends come & visit for a couple of hours. They were all so sweet to me. I have a couple of pics from last night in the hospital that I will try to have N put online for me tomorrow (since our at-home connection doesn't upload pics for some reason).

Thanks so much for the prayers! Even though the surgery wasn't as successful as we had hoped, I am still optimistic about IVF in December. We are praying for His direction & His provision for the emotional & financial needs we will face with this treatment in December. We are also looking into dietary changes to help the endometriosis pain. I have read about women that have felt much better with cutting out gluten completely & cutting out processed food or adding only organic to their diet. We will see & I'm sure keep ya up-to-date!

Ugh, Freaking Ugh.

Just finished round #4 of my Osmo-Prep. Those pills are ridiculous. Allow me to complain a bit.

I'm exhausted from clinicals & waiting up so early. This morning began with an 18-weeker born. Poor little boy & poor Momma. The parents had tried for 3 years to conceive and their 1st pregnancy ended this way. It was heartbreaking. Broke me down. I was mortified to continue crying in front of my new instructor.

Then, my clear liquid diet was making me weak & jittery. Add to that the antibiotics I had to take & I was so weak & crampy by the time I got home. A one hour nap, then starting the bowel prep. I'm anxious about how the rest of the evening will "play out".

Then surgery scheduled for 3pm tomorrow. I am to report to the hospital at 1pm. So, I'm also worried about not eating or drinking anything until probably after 5pm.

Just hope everything goes well & the surgery is both successful & safe.

One encouraging case of note was a woman carrying trips from her first IVF. I saw her in the ACU. She'd been on bedrest since 24wks, but in the hospital since 32wks. She was 35wks5days yesterday. She had the babies last night. A boy at 6+ pounds and the 2 girls were right under 5 pounds. Amazing. She was so sweet to talk to me yesteday & really encouraged me to try the IVF.

Anywho... hope all is well. I'm heading to update on all of the bloggies!

Still Pluggin' Along

Still doing some selling on Craiglist. We are definitely getting rid of stuff. By the end of this week, we'll have a couple more hundred dollars to add to the savings.

This weekend I had a rotation on the pediatric floor. A sweet baby girl on the first day. I was in heaven holding her for those hours that day & decided I WOULD be able to adopt a child. That I would be okay with it. I know money is still a huge issue, but we are just being open to wherever we are led.

Of course, I'm thinking this about this sweet girl. Somehow her mom knew I was trying to have a baby. I told her we either had to adopt or do in vitro. And then she says, get this, "Yeah, she was almost an adoption baby." Like so nonchalantly. It really broke my heart. I heard later that some of the nurses were talking about a mother that was going to give the baby up, but when she found out it was a girl she decided to keep her. She didn't seem to care to hold the baby, bathe the baby, etc... & she could have allowed a loving couple adopt her & give her all that love.

Made me sad, weepy, & slightly angered... but thankful for the opportunity to hold & snuggle her a bit. She was so tiny!

Sorry this is all so boring still!

Surgey in less than a week & I'm not *too* nervous about it yet. I guess I'm just overwhelmed that this week I'll be putting in 50 hours M-F, then another 15+ hours during clinicals this weekend. I'm drained!

Hope all is well in blogosphere! :)