Been A While

I have planned to update the blog many times, but it is pretty much the same.

A roller coaster of emotions.

One day, I think I am close coming to terms with having a single child. I am amazed and grateful for the miracle he is, but it still hits me so hard when there are new pregnancy announcements or baby showers every other Sunday at church or counting down the weeks we have until our due date from our second, last, pregnancy.

Have I told everyone there are three friends due within three days of our due date? And it is less than five weeks away? And I have no idea how to get through it when I can't even think about it without breaking down a bit each time?

Back in the fall of 2008, while we prepared to cycle, we completed a MAPP course. In Florida, this is a ten week course anyone seriously interested in fostering or adopting through the State must complete before moving forward into a homestudy. Well, we are now about halfway through the homestudy to foster. My heart is not ready to consider adoption, but contemplating fostering.

I am still hoping to cycle once more through our clinic. The husband says he is open to talking more about it, but we never talk about it. I think he either secretly hopes it'll just happen or is deciding to be content with our family how it is.

Which, of course, I am happy with our family. I just ache for another child.

I have also drastically changed my eating habits and started walking more. Lost about ten pounds in the last month and plan to lose more in the months to come.

Guess that is about it...

BFN

That is all.

11dp3dt: So Stinking Close...

So, I bought an HPT last night at WalMart. I want to use the digital one if we get our BFP, but there was only a 7pack in stock... no way was I spending that much money on what might not have worked. The one I did buy was an 88cent test very similar to Dollar Tree's.

Yesterday, my cramping continued w/ occasional nausea. I can say my feeling felt a bit crazy, but not any crazier than if my period was a day away. This morning, my cramps are present, but not so much the nausea.

I woke up several times with the fullest bladder, but didn't even have a cup to use (you know those cheapies!!); I was very tempted, though.

Let me share why I didn't want to test earlier, other than the crushing disappointment that comes with a pee stick BFN.

On December 22, 2008, we found out we were pregnant. The result of that pregnancy is sitting beside me giving me kisses.

Additionally, it is also my parent's 38th wedding anniversary. Pretty special, huh? I hope we have good news for them, but I sure didn't want to present bad news to them, either. {Mom: I totally know you will know now, but I hope this will be good news.}

Also, DH will be off tomorrow starting his 5 day Christmas Weekend off. It will be the first time we are together when we find out.

So, the sappy reasons for not testing early. And the one that I am scared to get a negative.

I might be using an HPT prior to the bloodwork is drawn. Since the lab I go to is out of area for the clinic, I usually have to wait for the results to be faxed, then get a call from the clinic. The previous times, I have gone fairly early to have it drawn around 8am, but I think I'm gonna buck the system & go like 9a or 10a. I will still have to wait the same amount of time for a call back. We'll see. I normally call & leave a voicemail that I've gotten my blood drawn as a heads up, but I'm guessing not that many of them will be in office tomorrow.

I will post when I know either way.

In other news, I think I'm done with my Christmas shopping. I just placed an order on Amazon... I love Amazon Prime! Even better when it's free! :) Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!

10dp3dt

Well, yesterday was pretty uneventful, too. Little Bit didn't get a nap, so around 7p he was asleep! And I laid down with him! Woke back up a couple of hours later to do the PIO shot, then couldn't fall back asleep.

I was up for hours on Facebook, Pinterest, & Dr. Google. I even found someone that got a BFN on 10dp3dt, then a BFP on 11dp3dt to then have twins! Crazy & rare from all the searching I've done. ;)

But, I still have resisted the pee stick. In fact, I haven't searched through my meds from last cycle, but I *think* I had one left over. Not positive since I haven't looked yet.

I think the reason I don't want to is because of how let down I have felt getting those BFNs after each IVF. I know you can't trust them, but I guess I feel like if I don't test, then I won't get a negative, then I have a little bit longer to hope.

Late last night, as I sipped soda (shhh... I went over my 8oz allowance...) & sat in front of the computer screen, I felt the nausea kick in. I can't say for sure that I'm not imagining it, but I have also felt nauseaus this morning, too.

And I woke up with cramping. Which I feel kind of happy about. I guess it could mean it worked or not, but in the past it usually is a good sign.

Oh, and while cooking dinner last night, I totally blew up on my husband. I even thought inside "Why am I getting so angry?", slammed the baby gates, & stormed upstairs. Then Google-ed if anger could be a symptom. ;) I always equate mood swings to happy-sad, but I think tempers & anger could be one, too, right? I don't know. Could also be PMS from an impending period?

So, not too much longer to go & the last 12hrs I have gotten really excited about. This afternoon/evening will be spent finishing up Christmas grocery + gift shopping since I will be in town later this evening. Other than driving in for my beta, I plan to stick around the house until Christmas!

Happy Tuesday to You All!

Almost 9dp3dt

Well, today I haven't had much of any symptoms so that makes me feel crazy. Not really any cramps.

But, I've also been busy with family & church stuff. Which has been incredible at keeping my mind off what may be occurring within my body. Maybe because I'm not still, I haven't felt the funky twinges & stretching & cramping?

Here I go grasping at straws. Yall, I don't know what to think.

I also am pretty sure I won't be POAS before beta day, either. Which is both scary & relieving.

Guess that is all!

Hope you all are relaxing for the big week start up! :)

6dp3dt

Just a little update...

Still feeling alright as far as the crazy thoughts go! LOL. My Google-ing has been minimal compared to last time & I have amazing friends that are helping occupy my time! It really has helped.

I still cramp every day. Mostly it is not painful, but like an exhausted-aware-of-my-uterus cramping. I imagine other IFers know what I mean! ;)

My (.)(.)s are extremely tender, but that started before we even did the transfer, so I'm not really counting it. They sure do hurt, though! :(

This sure doesn't seem like that much of an update, huh? LOL. Pretty much that I have been cramping & not too crazy. And plenty of Christmas activities over the weekend to keep my busy... I hope! :)

Have a wonderful Friday!!

2dp3dt

Well, have had lots of cramping the last couple of days. More so in the morning & not so uncomfortable to have to take Tylenol.

I am less cautious this round than I was with the past one. For example, I climbed the steps (super slowly) on the night of transfer. Last time, I slept downstairs on an air mattress for nearly 5 days, I think.

I guess I figure there is only so much I can control & most of them wouldn't really make a difference, I think.

I am still on 4 patches of Vivelle every other day & 2mL PIO each night. I have to go for bloodwork Thursday to check my progesterone + estrogen levels. Because, get this, they want to ensure I am taking my medications! Apparently, there are women out there that go through ALL OF THIS & don't actually take the medications. I can understand missing a dose or two, even, but risking the chance of scr.ewing it up?

CRAZY!

So, just going on about my day. I have been able to minimize my time Google-ing everything & my mind isn't completely obsessed yet over whether it will work or not.

It's weird, really. Hope you all are doing wonderfully out there!